


i'm good at hiding in the dead and grey

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, post reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: robert's insecurities rush to the surface when he wakes up and aaron isn't laying next to him anymore.





	i'm good at hiding in the dead and grey

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy <3

 

The way he wakes up with a start gives him a headache suddenly. He's holding his chest and trying to breathe right and then he rolls further across the bed to try and reach out for him.

For Aaron.

He smells him everywhere, this heavy warmness is lined within the sheets and the coldness of the purple overthrow makes his back cold, works to settle the sweat from the hours earlier.

Robert mumbles out something and then drags his body _further_ across the bed until he's met with coldness suddenly.

And Aaron, he's not beside him anymore.

Robert's eyes are wide, breath ragged and he gulps hard. It's supposed to make things stop aching, it's supposed to make him try and rationalise absolutely everything his mind is saying.

Only it doesn't.

Only all he can hear is his own mind mocking him for -

Believing it was true?

He's naked under the sheets, drags them up towards him and dares to whisper Aaron's name but nothing comes out by tears. They form in his eyes and he waits and waits for this to be over, for him to wake up but he doesn't.

_He's left you._ Robert's mind hammers in his brain, won't stop. Over and over and over and -

He dives down and pulls his boxers on, he thinks they might be Aaron's but that doesn't matter because he just needs to find him and convince him that it wasn't a mistake, that he _loves_ them, that it can be enough if they really try.

Robert cautiously draws back the curtains and the sun pours in, he breathes against it and tries to stop the tears in his eyes and everything telling him to stop trying to hope that Aaron's just taking a piss, just down the hall.

He isn't. He'd be back by now.

Robert holds his arms across his chest and blows out another breath as he moves towards the door of the bedroom, he pulls it open and creeps down the stairs.

He'll _know_ , he'll know if Aaron's gone if he's not down there cooking them breakfast and being a soft prat.

So when he sees no one there, he -

It's like something inside him sort of shatters, and the worst thing about it is that he was expecting this at some point.

Maybe not so quickly _but_ it was coming.

Robert holds the banister, shakes all over and spots Aaron's shoes gone from the doorway.

_He couldn't stand the sight of you anymore and he's gone._

"No." Robert whispers, races down the stairs now and pulls a hand through his hair. Aaron's coat is missing, his shirt thrown across the living room floor from last night has disappeared as well and it can only mean _one_ thing. "God." Robert physically feels the heartache pulsing through him, daring to split his insides apart and _ruin_ him.

And everything turns murky, and mean, and _cruel_ as he backs towards the wall and slowly feels himself drop down towards the floor because -

Aaron doesn't want him, Aaron has wised up, Aaron doesn't want him to come home, he doesn't want this.

Robert remembers last night, fucking each other absolutely senseless and holding each other's faces and _kissing_ and being so madly and truly in love.

He thinks about every single little thing and then his heart drops, he remembers them tangled in the sheets. He remembers telling Aaron he'd have to be back soon for _Seb_ , he remembers the way Aaron's eyes flickered for just a second and everything turns numb.

And he's sobbing, can't breathe right and hates himself for loving Aaron this much, for Aaron being his whole life, for Aaron meaning so much that without him, with him leaving him _again_ , he's this absolute mess of a -

Suddenly there's hands on his shoulders and a panicked breath so close in his ear it makes him suddenly startled.

When he looks up Aaron's staring right at him, his eyes are red like just the sight of Robert has bought him to tears and he's frowning.

"Rob? Robert, breathe." Aaron's whispering, suddenly pulls forward and grabs at Robert's hand, he makes him squeeze it over and over again until he's less pale.

And then Robert shakes his head as Aaron tries to wrap his arms around him, he _pushes_ him away.

"Why can't you love me like I love you?" Robert whispers through sobs and his voice _breaks_. Because he knows Aaron loves him, he thought Aaron loved him just as much, that he'd fight for him forever and ever but -

Aaron's face falls, mouth gaped open wide. "You what?" His voice is suddenly thick with emotion and he shuffles on his knees, moves his hand off Robert's knee.

Robert shudders, chest still rising and falling fast. "You left me, you left again." He whispers, and he hates himself for being like this.

Aaron gulps hard, "Yeah. Yeah I did but -"

Robert shakes his head, bites down hard on his gum and sighs. "I love you _so_ much, and you still left." He has a tear falling down his face and Aaron comes further towards him, holds him by the back of the neck and tells him to look at him.

"Oi, look at me alright? I only went to get more bacon you idiot." Aaron shakes his head, eyes sorry and sad and so blue it makes Robert catch his breath suddenly.

Robert hears it, hears it all suddenly and he feels like the biggest idiot in the whole world. He hides his head and Aaron tuts and suddenly Robert is being crushed by Aaron's whole body.

When Aaron pulls away, Robert is bright red and he brings a hand up to stroke over Aaron's cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispers, eyes still raw and red. "I just thought -"

Aaron frowns. "Thought what?" He whispers.

Robert almost hides his face, "You changed your mind, that last night was a mistake." He holds Aaron's hand in his and he's never been this vulnerable.

Aaron breathes out slowly, presses a kiss to Robert's head and pulls away slowly. "I meant, every _single_ word. I love you." He blurts out. "I'm in love with you, _always_ will be and - Robert, I'm _not_ leaving ya."

Robert just nods slowly, doesn't know what to say and Aaron sniffs, wipes a tear away.

"We're family." He insists, "We're a family Rob, no one - and - and _nothing_ is going to take that away okay?"

And Aaron's so good with words now, he's grown, he's this amazing man who Robert can call his until his dying days.

Robert blinks slowly, thumb stroking Aaron's ear and making the younger man smile a little and rests his head against Robert's gentle palm. "Saying I love you doesn't quite cut it with us anymore does it?"

Because _this_ , it must be more than _love_.

Aaron smiles gently, "I know what you mean." He whispers before he smiles. "Saw Seb with Vic at the shop too."

Robert instantly brightens. "Yeah?"

Aaron nods, "Told him I was making his daddy breakfast when Vic had her back turned, he proper smiled and everything." He says and Robert's insecurities melt away.

"He might love you as much as I do." Robert whispers and Aaron looks almost giddy before he's gently moving towards Robert and kissing him gently on the mouth before pulling away. "I should have left a note, I'm so sorry for scaring ya." He admits.

Robert gulps, feels Aaron run a hand through his hair. "You and me? Forever." He whispers, watches Aaron's eyes sparkle out his agreement and then Robert is feeling Aaron's cold hands press hungrily on his naked chest.

Aaron pulls away with a smile. "I'm getting started on my _legendary_ breakfast." He whispers, stands suddenly and helps Robert up. "And you, can get started yourself up stairs." He wiggles his eyebrow a little and Robert feels everything tug inside him and -

He loves one man.

Aaron turns to go and Robert holds him by the arm, stops him and wraps his arms right around him tightly. He buries his head in Aaron's shoulder and they stand their for a few seconds.

"Could ya just hold me for a second?" Robert mumbles, because despite everything that Aaron has managed to melt away in his mind, he's still getting over the crippling fear he felt when Aaron had gone, and the way Aaron strokes his back over and over again makes everything settle.

"Always." Aaron mumbles out and yeah,

Aaron really does know his way with words lately.

Robert's missed it more than words can say.

 

 


End file.
